A friend of mine (or at least someone I thought was a friend) lied about me yesterday. Not a big lie, in the grand opera of life, but one intended to make me appear smaller to those who heard it. My friend doesn’t know that I discovered the lie, because my friend didn’t think I’d hear about it after. I rather wish I hadn’t.
What prompts a lie? In my experience, it’s usually in response to some effort to shield oneself from exposure in some form or fashion. Like a child confronted with a ‘did you do this’ question when the answer is supposed to be ‘no’ even if it really is ‘yes.’
I suppose that’s why I’m so confused by my friend’s lie – there was no exposure here, so what benefit could there be in making me small? Why bother? Do people really lie just to make themselves feel better?
Uh…duh. Of course they (we) do. I mean, every time I look in the mirror I lie to myself a little to make myself feel better. I’m thinner/stronger/better in my mind than in reality. We all do that kind of thing – it’s probably even a bit of healthy self-esteem protection or something.
So I suppose I shouldn’t be that shocked that this small little lie was told … my friend may have needed to say it in order to protect their own self-esteem, instead of owning the real story that makes them a little less of a hero than they’d like to be.
Still, it stings.
Someone I’d thought (hoped) was bigger than this has just shrunk a few sizes, and it pinches my heart a bit.
I’ll get over it. No one is perfect, and I know I’m enough of a pain in the booty to need forgiveness myself (occasionally). I don’t need to confront the issue because it is just too small to matter in the coming weeks. (Incidentally, this may be why the offender risked it – a way to preserve their own self-esteem without being publicly exposed as deceitful may have seemed at the time worthwhile)
And as a result, I find myself even more grateful for the friends I have who don’t do this kind of thing. Who build me up whether I’m present or not, and who bring out the best in those around them. I’m very fortunate to have them in my life and I try to live up to their very good example more than the littleness this one friend displayed yesterday. Thank you for the lessons you teach me every day!
Overly Honest 