I had a conversation recently with an old friend, who reminded me of something I’d done in a moment of passion in my early 20’s. I personally have no recollection of the event but this particular friend is a bit of a freak of nature with the memory thing so I’m confident that she’s correct and I’m forgetful.
That action on my part was so childish and judgmental and frankly a little cruel. I’m grateful to know how completely and totally differently I would handle the same situation today, and I wish I could go back and stop myself from leaving that kind of a mark on the people around me. Thank goodness for my friend who loved me anyway!
In my youth, I lived in a world where there were two opinions: mine, and the wrong one. It wasn’t until later that I realized that other people are smart and that I was (with increasing frequency) wrong. I know part of this was self-preservation, and a byproduct of exceptionally low self-esteem combined with a relatively strong intelligence. Dangerous combination!
I so wish I could educate myself earlier in life, that I could have matured emotionally more quickly, and left fewer casualties along the path of my learning. Pondering that, I wrote the below note to my younger self with the few key things I wish I’d know then:
Dear me,
Your passion and energy are so exciting, and when you use it well it brings so much joy and light to those around you. What you probably don’t realize is that your negativity has the same reach – when you are cantankerous and hard to be around, you carve out a dark place in everyone who crosses your path. Be careful of this power. Know that we are all connected and that the greatest strength and generosity comes from choosing to be light even when you aren’t feeling it to the fullest yourself. Take that gift and multiply it, and watch your world change for good.
Remember, too, that no one on this earth makes a choice that they think is bad. Every person is logical in their own mind, and what may seem irrational to you is perfectly rational to them. Take a moment and try to understand why. You’ll learn so much more about the world that way! You may even learn that your own logic is flawed. Read about logic, read about bias – learn that what you perceive is NOT always reality.
Finally, know that memory is an imperfect tool. What you remember with complete confidence happening one way someone else remembers happening very differently. Without 24hr footage of your life, you’ll never know. Scientists have studied this – eye-witness accounts are notoriously unreliable and flawed, even on the most basic of information! So when you remember something differently than someone else, give room for you both to be mistaken.
It’s better to be good than right, it’s better to be forgiving than perfect.
Be good,
Me
The outcome of this is my realization that it’s time for me to stop delaying my days of service. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to spend the latter half of my life, and I’ve long known I want to spend it in service to my fellow man. True to my romantic nature, I’ve viewed this in more ‘Mother Theresa’ terms than day-to-day actions, but recently read a quote from that old soul Anne Frank, “Isn’t it wonderful that none of us need wait a moment before starting to change the world.”
So in addition to the letter above, I have a new note to current self: the time is NOW! Do what you can today, and SERVE!
Overly Honest 