Dear Neighbor:
While I’m sure the early morning hour of 8:00 am seems like the crack of dawn to you, I must insist that when you choose to drape yourself over your balcony to bid me good morning you do so with at least one layer of cloth between your man-boobs and the world around you. Those C-cup boys hovering over your hairy landscape of spare tires offends those of us considerate enough to cover up that which nature’s bounty has rather too generously bestowed.
It’s simply too much intimacy for that early in the morning. My dog didn’t ask for your commentary on his bowel movements and neither did I. Isn’t it enough disgrace that I have to pick it up, why should I have to discuss it before breakfast too?
Next time, please save it for someone who has already agreed to see you naked, no doubt under the influence of that friend to all the lonely (alcohol). I myself dislike nightmares after waking.
Avoiding-your-balcony-forevermore,
Your Neighbor
Overly Honest 