Overly Honest

One of the great things about life is that we gain insights as we grow older. We learn about other people, ourselves, and the world around us.

This past week, I’ve accepted that I’m just boring.

At a party, even I wouldn’t want to hang out with me. I like to read far more than I like to talk, except about philosophical ideas that most people tire of within seconds. I could go on for hours about topics that are ‘forbidden’ from polite conversation (religion, politics, etc) but I can’t carry on a conversation about a single sports team on the planet. I don’t remember the names of movies, but I can quote Shakespeare sonnets to you (but only partials, I’m not a true enthusiast). I can’t remember your name 5 minutes after I meet you but I can remember a number from a spreadsheet at work from 10 years ago.

There was a sitcom on TV a few weeks ago that talked about a person who was nicknamed ‘black hole’ because she was a conversation killer. No matter what the conversation was, when she joined the group it died. That’s not me, nor am I the person who drones on endlessly without knowing that I’m boring people.

In fact, when you first meet me, you’ll like me well enough. You’ll find me warm and welcoming. We’ll learn about all your fun things together (I have none to contribute). And then we will have exhausted the shared topics of conversation and you’ll turn away for more interesting pursuits. Totally justified. And, if you are the kind of person who enjoys the conversation being ‘all you all the time’ I will end up being bored by you and moving on myself. Again, totally justified.

And I am left alone. Pleasant enough, but too damn boring to keep up with. Why bother when there really is no news? When someone asks what’s new, my answer is ‘Nothing.’ Not because I’m hiding anything or because I want to be drawn out. Because it’s the truth, and I am not one to falsify nor am I creative enough to make it more interesting. My days have not changed much in the last 10 years. Work, home, work. I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I am basically a good person trying to do good things each day, but nothing stands out. I’m very forgettable.

The saying that ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’ is 100% true in my case. I’m as dull as they come.

No doubt you are saying to yourself by now, ‘If you don’t like it, do something about it for hell’s sake!’ And you would be right. Except that it doesn’t really bother me. I’m fine the way I am. I don’t really care if I’m boring to other people, and I don’t feel the need to keep people who bore me around just for the sake of company. (Another blessing granted by a long life so far.) And really, someone has to be the audience for all the exciting people out there, right? I’m a great audience, with all the ‘oooooo’s and ‘aaahhhhhh’s in the right places.

…except.

It would be nice, f**king fabulous, really, to find just ONE person who wanted to hang out with me for the long haul that remains. But when you’re just too boring, with no real desire to change, how do you find someone? Maybe I should start a match-maker service for boring people. Ugh – can you just imagine the group parties? The message posts? I want to crawl into a corner and hide already just thinking about it!